Fighting Discontentment

Ok so I officially suck at this. My aspirations to be consistent are once again thwarted. Such is life.
Well since I only write about once a month it means I have a lot to write about.

So I went home for Christmas. While it was an amazing time and a much needed reprieve from Korea, it was also incredibly difficult. It was and is difficult to the point that I think it may have been a mistake. I went home thinking it would be just the kind of refresher I would need to get through the next eight months, but it reality it seemed to just remind me of all the things that have changed and all the things I have missed since being away. I'm beginning to realize how much I miss the USA (something my parents are thrilled about). It's just the little things like going to Target and ordering a Starbucks just the way I like it. It's stupid, shallow things like that are a constant reminder that things are so incredibly different now then they were six months ago, or even a month ago, because now I'm discontent with the change whereas before it was a change that was exciting and new and challenging. It's things like that that cause me to question if this year abroad is worth all the things I'm missing out on.

I know I'm being melodramatic. It's only a year. It's not like I'm in war torn Iraq or Afghanistan. Everything and everyone will be there when I return, but after being home for a week with my friends and family and coming back to my empty studio apartment, to a job that is more or less "bearable" in a country that has lost it's excitement and has turned out to be rather...boring (no offense intended) seems a little too much to bear. So I've decided that the best thing for me to do to get out of this slump is to count my blessings. I know it's totally cliche and maybe even a little lame, but frankly I don't really know what else to do. I'm a bitter emotional wreck and I'm hoping looking at the positive things in my life will hopefully give me a little much needed perspective.

Blessings:
A God that sees me every move and knows my struggles
Family and friends back home who love and are praying for me and who haven't forgotten about me
An apt that's paid for
A relatively well-paid job that will look good on a resume
A new church where I can get involved
A challenging experience, both professionally and personally that will hopefully cause me to grow
New friends
The internet, so I can stay connected to people all over the world
TVshack.net, so I can escape this world with a few episodes of greys anatomy if I need to
Having sheets on my bed after four months without them

Okay so there are a ton of other things I am thankful for and I am so blessed in so many ways, but those are the ones that stick out to me currently. These are the ones that are keeping me grounded in this time of "crisis, fear, and uncertainty." I put quotes because terms like crisis do not seem appropriate to my situation when people who are starving or dying or in the middle of war and disease are the ones in real crisis. People who like with injustices and lack of basic human rights are the ones in real crisis. So I am very aware that I have no right to use that term to describe my situation as I sit in my comfortable apartment. But when things go wrong, or just differently than you planned, in your own life it's hard to see beyond that. But I know this is a phase and things will turn out the way they are supposed to. So thanks for listening to my ramblings.

I promise my next blog will be more upbeat, hopefully it won't take another month to write it.