Falling Short

Alright so last time i left you I was working on living every day as a mission for God. Let me tell you, it's not going that great. I was so set on doing it and theoretically it should be easy, but practically it's a whole hellava lot harder. I need to pray more. I need to read my Bible more. I need to love more. And I can't do that if I doubt God's ability to change my heart. So once again my lifestyle falls way short of my ideals.
Why is it so hard to match your ideals to the way you live your life? After all, if they really are your ideals than they should be your ideal lifestyle, no? Can we chalk our fails up to being flawed? Or living in a flawed, fallen world? Or is that just a lame easy excuse that makes us feel better about our pathetic lack of follow through? I'm tempted to believe the latter. I'm tempted to believe that the majority of us are simply lazy. (After all there are some people who do live out their ideals on a daily basis...what's their secret?) It's easier to walk past the crippled beggar and make excuses. We're in a hurry or my dollar or chon won isn't going to make a difference. Maybe those things are true, but does that make our indifference to the pain and suffering around us, okay? Jesus never called us to easy, comfortable lives. But that's the life I know I've accepted.
Are we too busy and important to try to understand why the person we pass everyday ended up there or why begging for money is there only option? I guess it's not even about the homeless person. (Maybe it should be about them but that's not the most frustrating part) I guess it's about my own self-absorption. If I can'[t care about the people around me, my coworkers, my neighbors, my fellow churchgoers, how the hell am I qualified to care about those people outside my immediate realm of influence? I mean if I plan on saving the world shouldn't it start at my front door? (And my goal is to save the world, so now you can understand my frustration with teaching English)
Why am I too busy to get to know, I mean really know the struggles, the histories, the pain, the people I see everyday . I know I'm not that busy, I'm not all that important. I'm simply selfish and I would rather zone out and watch some stupid TV show than make an effort to have a conversation with someone. Maybe I'm scared the convo will be awkward or we won't have anything to say to one another. But maybe we'll have everything to say or maybe it's just the convo I or the other person needs.
I'm attempting to live radically for Christ. I want my life to look different and I am struggling to figure out what different looks like. But maybe that's just it, maybe simply caring about people and taking the time to get to know them is one step closer to radical living. But it almost seems too simple. I mean being a good human being is living radically? I don't know, but for now it's a step to living better. I mean if all of us died to ourselves and started loving people (with the help of Jesus of course because some people just aren't that lovable) and starting putting others before ourselves, wouldn't that be an amazing witness? (Maybe it wouldn't, maybe I just have an incredibly jaded view of the world, something else I'm working on.) It's our job to bring God's kingdom as fully as possible on earth, so why not start by loving our coworkers or peers?