Perfect Place, Perfect Time

So as of late I've been thinking a lot about God's hand in our lives. I've always known that he watches out for us and cares about us. But I think I downplay how active he actually is in our daily lives and how he tries to direct our paths, even when we don't even realize we need His direction (which lets face it is more often than we care to admit). This is mainly in regards to relationships. I have been amazed at how God manages to bring people into our lives at the right moment for His purpose and our betterment. God has the ability to use people that we would not at all expect to draw us closer to Him. You would naturally expect other Christians and brothers and sisters in Christ to pull us back to Christ when we're going through a dry spell or a time of doubt and confusion, but most of us would never expect God to use someone who doesn't even believe the Gospel to show us what it means to cling tighter to our faith.
The past couple of weeks I have been challenged by one such nonbeliever. I have been forced to defend my faith and really search my heart to better understand what my faith means to me on a personal and global level. Before that time I was just sort of floundering. I knew what my faith meant to me, but I had no idea what my faith meant to the world. For the past couple of weeks I have really had to grapple with the idea of a universal God. What does faith look like to someone who doesn't really believe in anything? Someone who believes that you get one shot and if you mess it up than that's it. Someone who believes that every person takes their own path and everyone is leading their own lives for their own glory. Also, what does faith in an Almighty God and Redeeming Savior look like to someone who has never needed a Savior? Someone who has gotten through life just fine, with relatively little difficulty and with many blessings. These questions have been plaguing me and I by no means have the answers. But these are questions that I have had to deal with.
I think faith for me offers me peace and hope. Peace because I know that I am working for something bigger than myself. Something that goes behind my next paycheck or a chance at a better life. It offers me peace because I know have a higher purpose to help bring Christ's kingdom on earth. And hope because I know that this world is not all there is, I know that this screwed up, war-torn, poverty stricken world is not at all what it was intended to be. I know that there is a Savior watching my every move and making me a better, more sanctified Christian. And hope because someday soon I get to see this world as God intended it, in all it's perfect, unashamed glory.
I know I have not been able to articulate these things to the people around me who do not believe. I know that faith is not only about beliefs, but it is about action and that is the part I struggle with. I am terrified about talking about my faith and I believe that this is something that on some level I will always struggle with. But for the past few weeks I have made huge improvements. I was able to talk about my faith and why I cling to it. I was able to, maybe not persuade someone to believe the same thing, but to help them understand why I believe it. And honestly these conversations could not have come at a better time. A few months ago I wouldn't have been able to talk about it, I would have said that faith was something I did on Sundays and there was no reason to talk about it because I have my beliefs and you have yours and that will never change. But these convos came at a time when I needed someone to talk to and I needed someone to listen. These convos came at a time when I was becoming extremely fed up with my apathy. I was sick of not caring, not living differently, not living the life I wanted to live, or being the person I wanted to be.
For the first time in a long time I had to really examine who I was and how my faith played into that, or more accurately and probably the way I should look at it, is what my faith is and how my life plays into the bigger picture. God used this person to challenge me and force me to grow at a time when growth seemed like a far off dream. I have prayed more and read my Bible more in the past month than I have in a long time. Mainly because I want my life to reflect my words. I want this person to see that yeah I believe what I say and I say what I believe. And for the first time in a long time I am excited about my faith and about where God is leading and guiding me.
There was a point a few months ago where I was pretty sure I was beyond salvation. I thought maybe God had given up on me. I even had doubts about Jesus' existence. I was so far into myself and the hole I had dug for myself that the thought of a transforming faith was a foreign concept to me. But now, as I look at how God has used to Gospel and the message of the Gospel to breathe new life into me I am in awe at His power and His omnipotence. He used someone so unassuming and unpredictable to lead me back onto His path. Yeah I still have a long way to go, but this is progress for me. I feel like a new, better person. I feel like God is in control and with Him leading me I am heading toward great things that will glorify and honor Him (and who doesn't want a life purpose that means world peace and salvation for all mankind). These thoughts are revolutionary for me and I am excited to continue to grow and mature in my faith and I hope and pray that convos that challenge me and get me to talk about my faith will become much less few and far between. But only with the power of the Holy Spirit will this become a reality, so that is what I'm striving to seek this moment, this day.